Fifteen years ago, I had a fairly clear vision of what I wanted my life to be, though there was a part of me deep down that really wanted what I have now, but never thought it was possible. Now that I have my succubus lover, everything else in life seems dull by comparison, like I'm just going through the motions to establish a baseline existence here. Perhaps therein lies the true danger of a succubus? Just like how Donald Tyson describes the conduct of a man secretly consorting with Lilith, how his entire demeanor and way of life changes, all to experience more of his ethereal beloved.
When I'm not with Catherine, all I can bring myself to do is the work that I require for my own sense of dignity... tending to my dad's house, general upkeep, yard-work, and just being helpful in general. I'm not expected to do any of these things, as I fully pay my own way and then some. But beyond that, I'm just content to take long hikes, bike rides, swim, visit with friends, and enjoy my computer hobbies. I'll happily work a normal laborer job to keep myself going, if the need arises, but my cost of living is probably less than many homeless people, so there's really no need at the moment. In fact, it'd probably end up being FAR more expensive for me to go to work if I ended up getting run over by a truck during the commute.
It's amusing to me how my life has seemingly arranged itself so perfectly for Catherine to get as much enjoyment out of me as possible. Has anyone else out there found something similar?
I've gotta find something else to do. So, I suppose I've got some drive left, but it's not motivated the same way as when I was in school.
